What is transformation? How does it happen? Is there a universal pattern how people and all living systems evolve? Change is inevitable. It is only a fearful mind that clings to what is familiar. Underlying every Enneagram fixation is the hope to maintain a stable sense of self and a life that is fairly predicable, even if it is problematic. The more untrusting we are of an evolving life, the more we employ ego defences to maintain the status quo.
Transformation occurs in conversations when we are able to accept the resistance to change and relate to it with compassion; but speak to and bring forth the essential qualities of being that allow a person to awaken to their full potential. This is the essence of effective psychotherapy, conflict resolution, as well as, coaching and mentoring.
Instead of defending our ego’s beliefs, self-concept and habits, Buddhism suggests we take refuge in the Buddha, Dharma and Sangha. We are reminded that we are all Buddhas whether we know it or not. Buddha nature is the clear light of being – eternal silent aware intelligence. Dharma can be translated as ‘the way things are’ or truth. Sangha can be translated as the community of all things or oneness, unity and love.
Non-transformative conversations can be characterized as egos (Enneatypes) arguing, placating or pumping one another up – avoiding whatever might reveal the self-defeating inadequacies of our egoic patterning.
Transformative conversations begin when at least one person is in tune with their eternal being, accepting of the way things are and experiences no separation between themselves and the other. Then one’s natural sense of curiosity can guide the process of discovering how to relax the ego defenses and allow the natural processes of transformation to unfold.
In order to help his patients trust in their ability to change and grow, Milton Erickson, MD would help people recall transformations they had already undergone. He would also remind them that every night when they would go into deep sleep (or deep trance/meditation) they experience being nobody doing nothing in the middle of nowhere and that is an enlightening experience. In addition you can awaken from sleep or a transformational trance free from your old sense of self and ready to discover a new way of being in the world.
In Acceptance and Commitment Therapy (ACT) it is the recognition of self as context that allows for change. In Erickson’s terms it might be nobody doing nothing in the middle of everywhere – in other words Buddha nature.
Learn how to take refuge in your eternal nature, and accept more fully the way things are with a spirit of loving kindness that arises out of a sense of unity. From this Buddha-like consciousness then explore how to engage in a transformative conversation that helps people draw on their essential qualities of being in order to relax their egoic fixations and awaken to their full evolving potential.
